Week 7 Recap
By Commissioner Tim
Week 7 Recap
A hush falls over the crowd, the lights dim. The sound of footsteps walking to a stage. A shuffle and a cough from the crowd, clip clop..… clip clop….. Suddenly, the bright lights! The audience! It hits like a rush of cool air. He takes the podium and taps the mic. This is THE RECAP!
A&E Network welcomes you to the following presentation of the LOUNGE BALLIN FOOTBALL LEAGUE.
A warm Tuesday welcome to all of you tuning in across the nation. This is Week 7 of the Lounge Ballin Recap. Week 7 came with many surprises and we’ll get to them soon, but we wanted to begin with a tribute to an inaugural member of the LBFL class. Chris Naggar departed from us this week. Chris was a staple of the 2022 Mars Voltas team that went unfeated in its first season and played on early iterations of the København kokmagics. The LBFL thanks Chris for his dedication to the craft and we wish him nothing but the best in his next life.
Let’s take a look at the scores this week in our fastest two minutes in sports. We begin in Covington where the reigning Wide Konnor of the week took down gli ladri di culo to improve to 4-3. Moving right along, Sween’s Weens got their second victory in a row as they topped off the red rocket kokmagics in a Monday night thriller. The LA VertiBoys are back in the win column as they took down a massively underperforming Crackpipes squad this week. The Njigbas edged out the Three-ways who forgot to start a quarterback. Keep an eye on them as they improve to full strength next week. Team MeekDADDY continued their domination as they obliterated a strong Fairport team. Are they the team to beat right now? And lastly the HF GNUs took down the Chungus Champions. Are they looking to make a mid season run?
Let’s take a look at our two matchups of the week:
First the Hamilton Heroin Heroes (This article was written prior to the Hamilton Football Team’s annoucement regarding their rebranding, we apologize for the outdated terminology contained) absolutely STUNNED the Trennins Qwerty. By the fourth quarter, doses of narcan were being handed out to lifeless Qwerty fans, appalled at their team’s product on the gridiron. Hamilton continues their uphill climb at 2-5 while the Qwertys regress to the 4-3 mean of the league. It’s not quite time to hit the alarm button yet if you’re a Qwertys fan.
Second, we saw a thrilling victory for the Boise Bussies as they finally get off the mark. Put a 1 into the win column in Boise as they took down THE HERD in a nail biter. Herd fans are left wondering how much of this loss can be attributed to the front office chaos they’re in the midst of. Herd Owner/GM Ian Meeker has been very vocal on X about his dislike for fellow owners, specifically that of the HF GNUs. Keep an eye on this budding rivalry as the newly dubbed “hogs” take in the Herd in week 8.
Weekly Awards
In year two of Lounge Ballin’ we will hand out two awards per week. The first of these is the SwoleKonnor Award. This award is presented to the week’s strongest team as voted on by you, the reader. This week’s nominees are:
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The Skyline Chili Three-ways for scoring 31.4 points above projected, despite their loss (nominated by ESPN Analytics)
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The Boise Bussies for earning their first win of the season in convincing fashion over THE HERD (nominated by week 6 SwoleKonnor winner, the HF GNUs)
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The Hamilton Heroin Heroes for taking down one of the strongest teams in the league (nominated by Commissioner Tim)
The SwoleKonnor Award for Week 7 was awarded to the Boise Bussies!
The Wide Konnor Award is presented to the weeks worst performer or for the most embarrassing blunder. This week’s nominees are:
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The Trennins Qwerty for scoring 45 points below projected in their loss to the heroes (nominated by ESPN Analytics)
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The Herd for running their mouth about the league and the HF GNUs (nominated by Commissioner Tim)
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The Clifton Crackpipes for trusting in Deshaun Watson and having their stars go missing when it mattered most (nominated by Week 6 Wide Konnor winner, the Covington Catgirls)
