By Commissioner Tim

Week 5 Recap

Ladies and gentlemen, Lounge absolutely Balled this weekend. If you have any nails that are not bitten after this exciting week of action, I applaud you. Without further ado, let’s get right into it.

It was a magical Monday in København as the hometown koks rang in Leif Erickson day with a bulging, veiny W. Kok enthusiasts were treated to the team’s 3rd win of the season in yet another comeback win. The koks have bad a habit of cumming from behind as they hoist their third straight W to move above .500 for the first time in franchise history. Keep an eye out for these dangerous, streaking koks!

It was a record setting weekend in Clifton, but not for the reasons you’d might think. The Crackpipes showed up to the game high off their asses and put up a meager 21 points. This is an all time low for Lounge Ballin’ and handed a win to the struggling Sween’s Weens.

In an absolute nail biter, the Chungus Champions edged out the Fairport Phishermen on Monday night in Fairport. Chungus players were seen dancing on the Fairport logo, gloating the narrow victory and end of Fairport’s unbeaten streak. The Chungus Champions and their swagger are taking the league by storm, and while many may be upset by their antics, their talent is undeniable!

Matthew 5:5 “Blessed are the Meek, for they shall inherit the Earth.”

Protobot 6:9 “Blessed is team MeekDADDY, for they shall inherit Lounge Ballin’”

Team MeekDADDY stands alone as the final unbeaten team in Lounge Ballin’. At 5-0 Team MeekDADDY has done it all by week five. Shatter records, play with style, talk trash. You name it, Team MeekDADDY’s done it. When asked his thoughts on Team MeekDADDY’s historic start to the season, coach Meek McDaddie raised his eyebrows and smirked.

“Mission accomplished,” McDaddie said sarcastically. “We had the whole time, the whole offseason, that was our goal — was output after five games.”

Where will Team MeekDADDY go after this? The sky’s the limit.

Weekly Awards

In year two of Lounge Ballin’ we will hand out two awards per week. The first of these is the SwoleKonnor Award. Lounge Ballin’ is excited to announce a new partnership with ESPN, the world’s leading sports content provider. As a part of this new sponsorship deal, ESPN will choose one nominee each week for the SwoleKonnor Award.

This award is presented to the week’s strongest team as voted on by you, the reader. This week’s nominees are:

• København kokmagics for overcoming a 40 point deficit to win by 40 points total. This is an 80 point swing which carried them to their third win in a row! (nominated by Week 4 SwoleKonnor recipient København kokmagics)

• Skyline Chili Three-ways for performing 18.5 points above projected en route to a narrow victory over the powerhouse Trennins Qwerty. (nominated by ESPN Analytics)

• Team MeekDADDY, Lounge Ballin’s only raining undefeated team. (nominated by Lounge Ballin’ commissioner Tim)

The SwoleKonnor Award for Week 5 was awarded to the København Kokmagics!

The Wide Konnor Award is presented to the weeks worst performer or for the most embarrassing blunder. This week’s nominees are:

• The Herd failed to nominate anyone for this week. Lounge Ballin’ apologizes to our fans on behalf of The Herd organization. They have been fined $50,000.

• The LA VertiBoys for performing 18.5 points below projected in their loss to the København kokmagics (nominated by ESPN Analytics)

• The Clifton Crackpipes for failing in their Bye Bowl and putting up a league record low of 21 points… (nominated by commissioner Tim)

The Wide Konnor Award for Week 5 was awarded to The Clifton Crack Pipes!