By Guest Columnist Tiernan

Week 14 Recap

Loungers, Loungettes, and Lounglings! Welcome to the Week 14 and end of regular season recap! We have a lot to get into, but first we want to extend a warm “thank you” to all the fans, players, owners, and frauds that have made this season the best season yet for the LBFL. We have had an excellent season both on and off the field. We have seen rivalries brew, trade deals unravel, feuds begin, and sick burns happen. On the field, we have seen some stunning upsets, some all so satisfying victories, and some nail biting conclusions. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Now, to the recap!

Beautiful waves of synthesizer juice fill the air Ah yes, the Synthwave division. Here in Lounge’s very own NFC South, we present you with our Division Winner! The Skyline Chili Three-ways (1)! cheers are heard, chili is thrown across the room and one vile bastard asks for his 4-way with beans, which garners some disgusting looks They clinched the division and the first round bye, and are the lone representative from the division in the playoffs boasting a grizzly 8-6 record. Synthwave fans will rally behind the 3-ways, and hope for a strong play-off push!

Looking on to the rest of the division, what happened? For those who remember last week, the kOkmagics (2) were still in contention. They went up against division rival Hamilton (4), and expected an easy win. However, due to a Quarterback malfunction, and some pretty poor points from a wide receiver, the kOk’s suffered a truly devastating loss in the final minutes of the game, killing their play-off hopes. The kOk’s fell to 6-8, while Hamilton advanced to 3-11. The kOk’s had hoped to go .500 on the season, but alas we couldn’t see the fairytale of kobenhaven continue. Rounding out the third spot in the division is the Clifton Crack Pipes (3), at 4-10 they put up a valiant fight against the 3-ways but fell mightly.

electronic screeching, a robotic voice emerges Hello, I am protobot, using voice AI to come to you and deliver the standings from my division. robotic cheers I am totally not IT Brian in Disguise. It is my pleasure to present my Division’s Winner, the TRENNIN’S QWERTY (1)! YAY! robotic cheers are heard They boast an impressive 11-3 record, the second best in the league. They will carry my legacy well in the playoffs. Huzzah! Konnor kicks down door and asks Brian if he is ready to leave, protobot’s transmission is quickly cut

Sorry about that folks, we seem to be having some uh looks behind camera at IT Brian holding a watergun technical interference. Lets take a look at the rest of the division shall we? The Njigbas in Paris (2) boasting a 10-4 record also made the playoffs and get a first round bye, showing just how strong this division was. They played mightily all season. At spot three, Sween’s Ween (3) clinched the playoffs and will be fighting against the GNUs to advance in the wildcard round. They boast a .500 record of 7-7, and are tied for the lowest record in the LBFL Playoffs. Finally, unfortunately the LA VertiBoys (4) did not make the playoffs. With a 6-8 record, they will be in the consolation ladder. They had a very good season, and will look to comeback next year.

Cheers are heard CALVIN! CALVIN! CALVIN! Oh no not again! 69 Calvins storm the stage doing the griddy while screaming nice Dammit Calvins stop doing that! I am now also dressed as Calvin You guessed it, we are in the Calvin RPing Division! AFC North, is that you? We proudly present to you the most Calviniest Calvin of them all…. Team MeekDADDY (1)! WOOOOOOOO With the best record in the league at 12-2, they clinched the division, a bye, and the playoffs easily. Can anyone stop this absolute unit of a team? Boasting a suspiciously Calvin-like Lamar Jackson under center, we really aren’t sure.

But for the rest of the division! Yes, you guessed it, ALL 4 CALVINS… TEAMS MADE THE PLAYOFFS! shocked screams, cheers of happiness, and the one true Calvin appears in the middle of the crowd and begins to give everyone handshakes Alright folks I know this is exciting but we need to let you know what the rest of the standings look like. At second place we have the are the Chungus Champs (2). They boast an 8-6 record, and clinch a first round bye! At third, we have THE HERD (3). THE HERD has proven that even without hogging at least 15 runningbacks, you can make the playoffs. Take note teams. However, because of their poor strategy, they just barely clinched playoff berth, and will face off with the fourth place team, the Covington Catgirls (4) in the Wildcard Game. The Catgirls boast a 7-7 record and round out the bottom of the division, but even being a bottom proves still worthy of playoff contention.

Finally, the division no one has been waiting for, the Brite Division! ducks behind desk as rotten tomatoes and boo’s are flung at the stage I will continue speaking from cover as I announce this divisions winners, the Fairport Frauds mic screech I mean the Fairport Phishermen (1)! a smattering of applause that becomes a standing ovation ensues Thank you folks, I will come out from the closet now. Yes, giving credit where credit is due, Fairport is not only defending LBFL champs*, but they boast a 10-4 record, clinching the division and scoring that sweet sweet bye week.

For the rest of the division now. At second, we have the HF GNUs (2)! They boast a 7-7 record, and will face off against the Ween in the wildcard round. They are the only other team representing the division, as the other two teams join in the toiletbowl awards. At third we have the gli ladri di culo (3) with a measly 3-11 record, and at fourth we have the Boise Business Bussies, with a souring 2-12 record, the worst in the league. Both these teams came in with high expectations from the one fan, but alas fell short. They will slug it out in the consolation ladder with the rest of the trash.