Week 1 Recap
By Commissioner Tim
Week 1 Recap
Ladies and gentlemen it’s time for another season of Lounge Ballin’ which means another four weeks of Lounge Ballin’ recaps before I get tired of writing them. The season began amidst a litany of injuries and poor performances. Still, teams stepped up to get that vital first win.
A Look at the Divisions:
It was a great week for some divisions and a horrid week for others. There was no in between. Let’s start it off with the SYNTHWAVE division which had three of its teams go 0-1, leaving the Clifton Crack Pipes as the sole winner this week. The Synthwave division had two standout games this week, and not in the way you’d want to stand out. The kokmagics fell tragically to the Team MeekDADDY by a score of 118-116. Despite an improbable late night run, the koks fell flaccid when it mattered. The newly rebranded Mars Voltas are left hunting their franchise’s first ever win. Another lowlight this week came from the Hamilton Heroin Heroes who put up the lowest score in Lounge Ballin’ history last week (47.48).
The PROTOBOT division had a much better week as three teams became 1-0 this week, leaving only morrow’s Weens at 0-1. The Weens face an uphill battle as they lose their Star quarterback Aaron Rodgers only 4 snaps into the game. Their backup, Brock Purdy, will add his cock to the mix of Weens for week 2. The Trennins Qwerty put up a massive 140 points, 23 points above their projected score. The Qwertys seem to be an early powerhouse this year. Meanwhile, the LA VertiBoys utilized a bit of Monday Night Magic to take down the HF GNUs.
The CALVIN RPING division also had a great week as only the Chungus Champions failed to win this week. Another devastating league injury took place for the Covington Catgirls as they lost their star running back JK Dobbins. Look for them to be active on the waiver wire this week. The Herd got a glorified bye week as they were handed a win by the Hamilton Heroin Heroes.
It was a beautiful Sunday night in Fairport as the Phishermen hoisted their banner crowning them champions* of Lounge Bowl I. Fans were in a frenzy and owner/GM Brian Bullis was said to be in attendance as the Phishermen downed expansion franchise morrow’s Weens by a score of 103-90. Elsewhere in the BRITE division, things went poorly as the HF GNUs lost a late night thriller to the VertiBoys and the Bussies and gli ladri di culo barely broke 70 points a piece.
Weekly Awards
In year two of Lounge Ballin’ we will hand out two awards per week. The first of these is the SwoleKonnor Award.
This award is presented to the weeks strongest team as voted on by you, the reader. This week’s nominees are:
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The Trennins Qwerty for putting up a blistering 140 points, good for the highest in the league.
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The Covington Catgirls who lost JK Dobbins early, yet were propelled to victory by the week’s top performer Tyreek Hill (44.5).
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Team MeekDADDY, who held off a late push by the kokmagics Monday night. Team MeekDADDY was hoisted to victory by the Cowboys D/ST with a rousing 35 points.
The SwoleKonnor Award for Week 1 was awarded to The Trennins Qwerty!
The Wide Konnor Award is presented to the week’s worst performer or for the most embarrassing blunder. This week’s nominees are:
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The Hamilton Heroin Heroes who put up on of the league’s all time worst performances with 47 points. That title still belongs to the now defunct Mars Voltas who put up 45 points in Week 12 of 2022.
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The kokmagics who, despite the rebrand, still managed to extend the franchise losing streak to 0-14.
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morrow’s Weens who lost their star quarterback only 4 snaps into the season and dropped their opening game to the Phishermen.
